Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
