Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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