I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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