I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
