M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
