You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
