I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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