woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize