I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
