Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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