I need to stop coming to work sober
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
