last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
