This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
drinking out of a sandbucket again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
