My nipple is on Facebook.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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