Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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