Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
