Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
