things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
