The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ladies don't puke and tell
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
