i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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