so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
