id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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