____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
