I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
