do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
