eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
