Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
