Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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