I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
