a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
