Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
