I hate your face
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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