Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
