I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
