Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
