I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
