I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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