Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
