I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize