I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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