It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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