you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
