if only i could text you this smell
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
