so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
