I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
