Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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