i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
