I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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