It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
