He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mom said you looked used
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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