went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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