She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
