well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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