my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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