As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
