You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
