I'm passing your future prison.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
