look no pants
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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