ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
are you so shy because you have an std?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
