: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
