We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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