of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
