Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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