I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
